it's all about luck.

people give me way too much credit sometimes. whether it's with my photography, my filming, my singing, my playing, and even my writing. want to know what's crazy? i have gotten so many honesty box messages saying my blog is inspirational and they read it every day. but here is the truth. i honestly have NO idea what i am doing half the time. i just...go with it. i don't plan anything, and i don't know for sure if it's ever going to work out. i luck out. sometimes it's too easy. you know? now i am not being modest. i love a lot of my work. but sometimes i don't think i deserve the glory and praise. i mean there are people out there who have been working on things for YEARS and here is me...a girl who has never taken lessons with...well...anything. i think it's just a self discovery thing. i have found out that if you want to do something you will be able to do it. it just depends on how hard you try and focus.

sometimes i think i am way to much of a dreamer. you know? disconnected from the real world? i seem to get by. but like i said a lot of the things i do are based on chance. i don't plan. and if you know me you know how completely true that is. what if one day i fail and everything well falls apart? i don't know. even with these blogs i am surprised at what comes up. i never plan what i am going to say. i just click new post and start typing away. everything is spur of the moment.

speaking of which...i have decided i am going to make a movie. you can laugh at me all you want but it's going to happen. and it's going to be a legit movie. i have connections and once again i am lucky. but i am going to take full advantage of these connections. i would be giving up a chance of a life time if i didn't. so here is what i have so far...it's rough. really rough. bare with me.

it's a war movie. and it focuses on this one guy who is secretly gay and it's been an ongoing battle for a while now. somehow the rest of his team finds out (maybe by reading his journal or reading his letters) and once they do they start to discriminate against him. saying the war is a man's thing and that a queer isn't a man. i was also thinking that there might be one supporting character the one who sticks by him through it all. you know how people in the army are usually pretty religious? i mean there are the christians who just decide to be religious because they know they may die any minute (which could be the ones that go against the guy) but the supporting character will be the real christian. the only one who accepts him. (now i am not intending on making it a christian film. this will just be a small point the keeps the story going.) so all these people are not for this gay guy in the war and maybe to end it all there could be a huge battle at the end against an enemy and all the guys shy away except for this guy and he ends up saving all their lives and dying in the process.

i don't know. that's what i have so far. i was thinking for interesting plot lines that his dad is either a super strict general or a super religious pastor. and i was also thinking of tying in a black guy who people are still racist towards and at the end when the gay guy dies everyone realizes how great of a warrior he actually was and that they shouldn't have discriminated him. so the death of the guy makes them realize they should let the black guy apart of the team and family and in the end it's a happy moment.

i know. you're all going to laugh. but i am going to make it happen. i just have to.