friends.

i know i've been talking about all the bad things that happen to me but can i just take a moment to thank my friends?

i just want to say how extremely grateful i am and i feel like i don't give my friends enough credit. and i'm sorry. when i say i feel lonely and unloved, i never realized how much that puts down my friends.

did you know i have a friend who comes over whenever i need him to and he just holds me while i cry? seriously. he's the person i text almost every day just being sad and he still continues to be there for me. even though it's probably hard for him. he's even going with me to see a therapist next week because i'm scared. how many friends would do that?

i also have a friend who i texted today saying i was upset and she was like "i'm coming over and we're watching gossip girl." and we did. that was exactly what i needed. to act normal even when things aren't normal.

another friend i have, this was a while ago, but i remember being really sick and complaining about how my mom doesn't take me to the doctor. he offered to go with me. i don't think i'll ever forget that. that's one of the nicest things anyone has ever offered. it's also the same boy who went with me to get my ears pierced.

i also texted someone today out of the blue asking if one day we could just talk. me and this person rarely talk and in fact it's the same person i said some mean things about over formspring and even after everything he agreed to talk with me. who does that? i don't deserve that.

i also have this new sort of friend. we've been friends since last year and just started talking after danny's party. i told him everything yesterday about my life and just in these past few days he's been there for me more than my other friends have been. he gets it and makes me feel a little less crazy.

it's insane what kind of people are out there for you. really.

there are also friends who have just seen my very upsetting tweets and have just texted me about it. i mean, i don't respond but i really do appreciate them.

thank you all for being understanding about my misunderstandings.

i'm sorry if i am not a great friend. or if i hurt you. or if i'm mean to you. i swear to god it's unintentional.