fuck YOU.

looking back i have realized i haven't had much luck with guys.
when we were dating everyone was always like, "you're so lucky. he is so good to you."
and when we had a thing everyone was like, "you're so lucky. he is so fucking hot."

both of those things are true. no denial.

but honestly, it's hard to remember how nice you were when we were together because of how badly you BOTH ended things. it doesn't matter what you did for me when we were together anymore. you did things that made it seem like you cared but it was either all a cover up or you didn't know what you were saying. if you really cared, you would have ended things better. you would have been thinking about my feelings rather than your own when things were over.

and i am talking about BOTH of you.

once you really, and TRULY care for someone you don't stop. unless someone does something to hurt you. which i don't think i ever did. not yet anyways. but even if someone hurts you, you always have a soft spot for them in your heart. to you- i still hate seeing you with her even though i am completely and honestly over you. and it. maybe i am just immature. and to you- i have a protective feeling when it comes to you. it comes off as jealously but i swear to god i can't handle you being hurt again. it has nothing to do with me. just be careful. i don't think you realize what you are getting yourself into.

i know. i know. this is annoying. this is the past. i have nothing to do in either one of your lives anymore. sure. we're friends. but sometimes i feel as if it isn't a real friendship.

you know what i need?

i need a friend.

a real friend.

someone i can open up to and always crawl to and always rely on. you two were that person for me, but i've realized it can't be someone i am dating...they end up leaving and taking too much of me with them. i don't think the two of you even realize how much i have opened up to you and how rare and personal it is.

anybody want to be my friend?

i need one.

not because i am sad. or because life sucks. honestly. i am perfectly happy with life. i just need real friends.

???