Warning: Sort of intense thoughts.

Warning: Sort of intense thoughts. Don't read if you don't want to hear emotional things.

until last thursday i have never thought about suicide. i just thought it was a way of life because how often it is portrayed in movies, it almost seemed normal.
it isn't normal. it isn't ok.
but as i was driving today i started to think how EASY it is just to turn my wheel the wrong way and crash. how dangerous it is for people who are unstable or can't control their emotions to just let it take control of their fate.
it's scary how easy it is to kill yourself.

physically i mean. the emotional battle is something totally different.

what if i turn the wheel the wrong way?
what if i run a red light?
what if i walk across a red crosswalk?
what if i am being a doofus on a bridge and just fall off?

what if? what if? what if? what if?

i was thinking these thoughts today. not because i am thinking of doing them. i am not depressed so don't report me to the suicide watch.

suicide is the scariest thing to me right now. imagine what must be going through their minds that cause them this pain. i never want to feel the pain. i never want anyone to feel that pain. i wish i could tell if someone were feeling that way.

i feel like humans shouldn't be in control of their lives. we let our emotions and interactions take control of our reasoning a lot of the time. i know i do.