Sunday, January 13, 2013

The bad in each other.

When you're standing on the edge of a cliff there are a few things that can happen.

1. You jump.

2. You fall.

3. You're pushed.

4. The ground you are standing on crumbles.

Right now I'm on the edge of a cliff and the very foundations that I've been securely fastened upon for the last 19 years are crumbling. I am forced to fall into the unknown and all I can do is brace myself for what's at the bottom. Now let's be real, there is still a tiny bit left of me that is an optimist. I pray to god that part won't disappear. Most cliffs in reality end with a very abrupt end and let's be blunt: death. My cliff ends in the next stage of my life, for falling is just the scary transition.

I've come to the conclusion that divorce brings out the selfishness in everyone involved. Fuck, I must be a selfish bitch for sitting in this room blogging and watching the Golden Globes while my mom is crying on the couch in the other room to her friend. I'm the selfish child who moved away from her family. Who has it easy because she distanced herself and barely keeps in contact. But sometimes selfishness is the only coping mechanism that is left. I've been selfless for too long and now I need to heal.

Sadness is too easy of an emotion to feel and it's too difficult of an emotion to rid.

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