she screamed.

she asked, no she screamed.
for help.
i stood there. not knowing what to do.
not knowing what was going on.
i stood.
i stared.
i cared.
i did care. but i didn't do anything.
what's the point of caring if you just let it happen?

what could i do though? i didn't know what to do. was there anything i could do?
could i have prevented it?
could have changed everything.
then would she love me if i did something?

why couldn't i do anything?

why couldn't i do anything?

why...can't i do anything?

i am hopeless.
a disgrace.
maybe that's why i am where i am in her life.

i am not ready to let go.

i've just thought of something.
you let go.
what if you learn from letting go?
just because you let go doesn't mean i'm going to let YOU go.

it takes two to let go for something to completely disappear.
i am not ready to let go.

i am going to hold on.

boy, i am going to hold on.

then maybe you will learn from me holding on.

you let go.

i'm falling too soon.
i'm calling for you.
i reach for your hand.
you let go and...and.

you let go.

you don't even realize you let go.
but you let go and that's all that matters.

now i am falling alone.

be afraid to jump.

don't be afraid to live.

Be afraid to jump because there isn't always water beneath you when you fall.
Be afraid to jump because your friends are at the top waving as if you were nothing at all.
Be afraid to jump because the waves aren't real, they are disguised, wanting you as prey.
Be afraid to jump because it isn't true, it just isn't true. The truth isn't in the words they say.

Truth, Truth what is truth?
Words can be truth, but words can be lies.
So how can you tell between their crazy disguise?

Don't listen, just think, think about you.
Don't believe, just trust, trust what you do.

because what you do is who you are.

if you do what you trust, then there you will find who you are.

just.don't.jump.

because you won't come back.

because you won't be you.

because you won't be real.

you will be a wave. a lie. disguised...disguised...disguised.

Dear World,

Hi, it’s me again. I’m a little taller than last time I wrote to you. Technology has also advanced a bit more since the last time I talked to you considering the fact that I wrote my first letter to you in my diary as a young girl. Now I am a teenager and I am using the internet to express my love.

It’s weird. We used to be more sychronized than this. All the time I would feel as if everything was right, and now it’s like a roller coaster. At times everything is good, life is great and at other times life just totally stinks. Is it because I am growing up? Shrinking? Have I now developed a usable brain instead of sharing with my parents?

I miss you. I missed the way that every time I saw something unordinary or even ordinary I would take in the beauty and just be so surprised and informed. I don’t want to fight against you. I don’t want to question you. I just want it to be easy again.

I guess we have moved on for now, and maybe one day we will be back together again and forever.

Sincerly,

That red head who isn’t actually a red head

P.S. You were probably confused on why I mentioned shrinking! Where have you been my whole life? Yeah, I shrunk. Looks like I went from 5′2 to 5′1. Huh. Is this your doing?

P.P.S. I also have red hair now. So if you ever want to send me some love or guidance you can now recognize me, right? No excuses!

Dear World,

Is there anybody alive out there?

Who is the man behind the legendary nickname “The Boss”? If you were to ask me that a few days ago, I wouldn’t have been able to answer. But after experiencing one of the most life changing concert of my life the question was soon answered.

I think the main thing that appealed to me the most from the concert was Bruce’s interaction with each and every fan. The fans get their enegry from him, his singing, and above all his creations. While Bruce gets his energy from the fans who appreciate and love the art he has created. To me it is like a cycle, without Bruce there wouldn’t be legendary music to rock out too, and without the fans there wouldn’t even BE a Bruce Springsteen E street band.

Unfortunately when I arrived at this concert I didn’t know what I was going to expect. Which meant that I didn’t know any of the lyrics to his words, and have only listened to a couple songs. So instead of rocking out with the rest of the crowd, I sat back and just appreciated the whole moment…with of course occasional drum beats that I picked up from the drummer.

Overall…I loved it. The atmosphere smelt like pot, beer, and popcorn. How can you not love something like that?

Wow. I felt like I was writing a newspaper article or something.

before. [old]

My heart is soaring along with the butterflies in my stomach, who also flutter with every smile and every word you aim at me. I am being ridiculous, I tell myself. I am acting insane. Yet at the same time I feel as if this is natural as if I am acting natural. This feeling I can’t describe and don’t fully understand. It can’t be love, I also tell myself. Love is to strong of a word. I barely know you, you barely know me. So what would this be considered? A crush? We are in high school. Is crush even a definition in the high school term dictionary? I like you, but I also like other people as well. Why is this so confusing?

For now I will just keep everything the way it is. I am fine with being friends, and just hanging out. Everything will work out in the end if it’s supposed to…right? Who knows.

All I know is that I like you. Not love. Like is strong enough for now, and the perfect word to describe how I feel.

I like you.

Maybe one day you will hear these words.

the moment is here. [old.]

the moment I have been dreading for a few months now. The same moment I have been trying to avoid, yet at the same time embracing it with open arms. I don’t know why I keep going back. I don’t know what to expect from my emotions. At times I can handle it, but at times I just don’t know what to do and I sort of just break. Ya know?

In 3 weeks everything will be over. I get a chance to start over. This week is going to be difficult, because not only do I have to watch my friends doing what I should be doing but I also have to film it. The negative to that is that I will have the footage in my hands and I will sometimes find myself watching it over and over again. Once again, I don’t know why I do these things. People always ask how I can handle it. The thing is I don’t think I can.

All I can do is make the best of it, smile, and just be around the people who love me. That counts for something, right? Right now I am just going to continue doing what I have been doing. Which is trying to take my mind off the facts and just letting my imagination take over. Dance class…here I come.

be afraid to jump.

Be afraid to jump because there isn't always water beneath you when you fall.
Be afraid to jump because your friends are at the top waving as if you were nothing at all.
Be afraid to jump because the waves aren't real, they are disguised, wanting you as prey.
Be afraid to jump because it isn't true, it just isn't true. The truth isn't in the words they say.

Truth, Truth what is truth?
Words can be truth, but words can be lies.
So how can you tell between their crazy disguise?

Don't listen, just think, think about you.
Don't believe, just trust, trust what you do.

because what you do is who you are.

if you do what you trust, then there you will find who you are.

just.don't.jump.

because you won't come back.

because you won't be you.

because you won't be real.

you will be a wave. a lie. disguised...disguised...disguised.