Sunday, July 25, 2010

you know what i realized while watching ramona and beezus?
besides the fact that almost everybody in that movie has weird names. romana. beezus. hogart. howie. icky picky.

but that when you have to endure something frightening. or hard. or difficult. those family things, you know what i'm saying.
as the older sibling. your scared. but then you look down at your younger sibling. and are reassured by the fact that you aren't the only one scared and that your little sibling is possibly more scared than you.
and as a younger sibling you have the protection and understanding from your older sibling.

that's why family is so important. it's a cycle. we're supposed to keep each other sane by being insane.

Friday, July 23, 2010

i don't want to make false accusations!

this is weird.
it's not normal.
maybe i'm paranoid.
i hate not being able to figure it out.

it could be happening again.
just like last time.
right in front of my face!
i'm old enough to be able to tell that this isn't right.
SHE isn't right.

but then again...i don't want to make false accusations.

hell. what the FUCK do i know?

i'm an oblivious 17 year old.

i have lost. every. ounce. of. respect. for. her.


she came into my room.
"can you pick up your brother from camp?"
"sorry. it's thursday mom. i'm leaving soon."
"fine. but you can't do anything until you get your car washed."
"what part of i am going out don't you understand? i have been driving around for you all week! i have picked him up from camp everyday this week doing YOU favors. it's your responsibility"
"no it's not. it's not my job to pick up your brother from camp. it's YOURS."
"that's not true! he's your son!"


my sister got her braces off last week. my mom forgot about her appointment so she just didn't take her. she needs her retainer. mom calls in for another appointment and makes it a week later. my sister complains her teeth are already moving and she can't wait 2 weeks before she gets her retainer. my sister had to call and reschedule the appointment herself.

gaahhhhh! it's so confusing!!!

you look like a bitch and it makes me want to help you

i look like a bitch and it makes you want to help me?

If only life actually worked like that.
All it took was a repeat to be on the same page.
If only we were able to fully understand each other.
I wish I could read you because maybe I would like you a lot more.

Let's enter the vacuum. We don't know each other. We don't know anything. All we know is what is in front of us. Absorb the other.

"Excuse me? But this is a dog!"

"That's not all she is. Look harder."

Sunday, July 18, 2010

dear whoever wrote in my formspring,

you asked me a couple of days ago what to do when you're sad. i thought of the perfect answer: help other people.
i am not sad right now and have not been lately.
but today i went and packed over 6,000 packets of food to give to starving children.
and tomorrow i am going to go to skid row.
i can't explain the effect of it. not only do you see that you don't have it off the worst but you also realize the effect you can have on a person.

i could do stuff like this the rest of my life. and i will continue to do so.

it's stuff like this that keeps my life going.

i wish everyone in the world gave it a shot.
it's a lot of fun.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

i miss too many people.

all i ask is that you don't forget about me. yes. i mean you specifically.
but i also mean all the rest of you as well.

Friday, July 9, 2010

wow. my life is falling apart.
man. i'm a failure.
my grades suck.
i used to depend on my talent so i thought it was ok. then i realized i don't really have talent.
friends? sure. i have them. as for close friends. yeah right.

depressing vents. well. it makes me feel better.
why do i feel like i'm ALWAYS crying?

and it's not even about that anymore.

fuckkkkkk meeeeee.

dreams v. reality.

want to hear the truth? you are scaring me. each and everyone one of you. you would think that

by being scared i would be learning. but i'm not. i am SICK of being messed with. fucked over.

is it because i let you all fuck me over? is it because of me? or do i really just have fucking bad

luck? i don't even know. everyone and their mother would agree with me when i say i've had it

bad when it comes to all of you. i don't understand what i do wrong. i keep trying different types

of people. it's not that i'm trying to play it safe. because i know it would already be dangerous.

i wasn't looking nor am not looking for anything serious. but then again i don't just want a fling.

is it bad that i just care about people? i guess my biggest problem is that i want something

different in my reality and i want something different in my dreams. i guess i have to decide

which one i will let control everything. because it's just not possible. incapability. i hate being

messed with. stop messing with me. i like the truth. want to hear my truth? here it goes.

i find you adorable. i was confused on why i suddenly developed such a random attraction for

you but i have now come to realize it isn't that crazy. you seem to really care. and i like hanging

out with you. but. i don't know what you're deal is right now. if it's me. or if it's you. that sounds

like a stereotypical B.S. answer but enlighten me with this. i could be making too big of a deal

out of this. it's not just you. it's me analyzing everything in general. so it's all of you.

if this ends smoothly. all will be well. if this ends roughly. well. i've already had that happen way to many times before because let's be honest. we both know it's going to end. but what happened to having fun? whatever. fuck me.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

i have realized this is the major aspect our generation is lacking. maybe not even our generation. just americans.

we don't respect our friends. we don't respect our enemies. we don't respect our elders. we don't respect our parents. and we don't even respect ourselves. i know this is a huge generalization but at one point or another respect is in the back of our mind. everything would be easier and more organized if we just respected one another.

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