Chaotic Ramble

So for some reason I've gotten to a point in my life where I'm afraid of my own voice. Perhaps it could be due to my lack of sharing or because I seem to live in my head more than I seem to live with the real world. Maybe I'm afraid no one wants to hear my voice. Or maybe I'm afraid people do want to hear my voice and thus comes the responsibility of having to use it effectively...

There was once a point where I could blog honestly about how I was feeling and not be ashamed. Or where I could write freely and not be so particular about the words I was choosing or the structure of my sentence or the flow of the content or the relevancy of what I was writing about etc...That doesn't seem to be the case anymore. When you've gotten so used to shoving everything down and locking it up...well it makes this entire process feel unnatural.

I think my issue is that I want to write for myself, for therapeutic purposes...to just put my feelings and thoughts into concrete words so I can give them the existence that they crave and then let go of them...Instead of obsessing over meaningless things over and over in my mind until I reach a point of exhaustion. But I also want to write for other people to read. I don't want it to just be for myself because the world in my mind is already so lonely and I know that me sharing is a way of connection. I tend to self isolate, I know I do it and I'm trying to get better at it.

I guess this is my first step back into the world of blogging. So here, have this chaotic ramble.