Saturday, August 14, 2010

I knew I'd blog about this. [Cheers to the big guy up there.]

So. I'm not the most spiritual person in the world. I'm not that great of a Christian because I have so many doubts about the religion I follow. I don't believe some of the bible. (ask me about this in person if you want me to go into greater detail.)

But this week did help me with one thing, which is the most important thing I think.

On Sunday as I was driving up to camp I decided I wanted to get a journal where I could log each day about my current relationship with God. I envisioned myself every morning while at camp waking up and laying out on the lawn while looking at the lake. Which is what I did. I went into the store and found a journal that was titled, "Come with me by yourselves to some quiet place and rest". It reassured me that this was supposed to happen. It was weird. Almost everything I wrote in that journal (problems, doubts, etc.) was addressed in Chapel word for word. I started freaking out and would enthusiastically point to whoever was sitting next to me "Dude! Look! What he/she just said I wrote in my journal a couple of hours ago!"

For those of you who are reading this and who are curious I am going to write what I wrote in my journal this week. By the way...It went from analyzing our relationship to me just telling God random stuff about my day. You'll see what I mean.

Actually. I typed out everything I wrote in my journal realizing that I was doing exactly what I was trying to prevent myself from doing. I was writing it out because I myself wanted attention. Not because I cared about our relationship.

This week has made my relationship with God stronger. It's more of a friendship. I feel like I am able to write to him about anything. I spent most of my pages writing about ducks.

Don't start thinking that Christian camp has changed me. I'm still going to drink. I still don't believe things but for now my relationship with the big guy up there is solid and honestly that's all i need right now.

If you really want to see my journal ask me! It's pretty cool seeing how creepy it is that they addressed things I wrote in there word for word.

On one page I literally wrote, "Just help me out. What if that was the secret all along? Just to ask you?" I wrote this in Chapel because we all know I don't pay attention when Pastors talk for long. But then 15 minutes later Megan Fate addressed EVERYTHING I asked for help with.

Not gonna lie...It's pretty fucking cool.

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