Sunday, January 24, 2010

i strayed away.

yesterday i strayed away from the group. i was the black sheep for a moment or so i thought i was. i decided to disappear for a while because i realized i didn't fit in with those other two girls. and for a little while i felt as if i wasn't pretty enough to be doing what they were doing. they are tall, long, beautiful, and really long, luscious beautiful dark hair. while there is me...short, small, with chopped red hair. now don't get me wrong. it's not that i don't think i'm pretty. but just like every girl i had that moment of insecurity. plus it obviously didn't help that YOU were there. i mean here were these girls practically getting naked as if it were no big deal and here was me, just taking photos. who do you think guys would rather be around? well that was how i was thinking and rereading this now i KNOW it was a good idea for me to separate. i desperately needed that time to think and sort out my thoughts. and i had a realization.

there is a reason i am not like those two girls. maybe i should just stay behind the camera. but as i was out sitting in the long endless fields filled with dirt, twigs, and lumps of trash i realized i would much rather be me. i have my own unique beauty and talents that some would kill for. there is more to people than just pretty faces and the fact that i am not willing to strip down in nothing just shows that i respect myself. and if i can find a guy who would pick me over naked girls then man, i have hit the jack pot. it seems pretty unrealistic though. guys being guys all they really think about are beautiful, topless girls. now hey. i am not saying i wouldn't strip down naked. just not in the middle of no where in front of a camera.

you surprised me as well though. i thought you would have been tied to these girls who were displaying so much skin but when i came back you kept muttering how you were bored and were sitting by yourself a lot of the time. i respect that because i didn't expect you to be like that. thanks for proving me wrong.

what i am trying to say is that it's not that i don't think i'm pretty. and i am also not trying to sound cocky either. this is what just goes through my mind. and this mind is a mind of a 17 year old high schooler.

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