Thursday, January 28, 2010

it's not something i should forget.

i thought i was finally over it. maybe it's one of those things i will never COMPLETELY be over. at least it's somehow manageable and i can finally get on with my life but like i don't think the feeling i get every time is see your name will ever disappear. and these past couple of months i had FORGOTTEN what we had. i forgot you. i forgot everything that happened. and now that i think about it i don't understand how that happened. and i can't help but wonder if you've forgotten about it too. i hope not. i don't want to forget about it because there is a reason it happened. i think i got distracted for awhile. which was needed so i could get some sense back into my mind. you seem to still be distracted but do you ever think about it? like. i am thinking about it now.

i am no longer obsessing. just what "ifing". i feel like that is healthy and normal. i've come to terms and i've accepted. now it's all about the reminiscing. it's scary because as of today i finally feel after everything that i am finally able to...move on. before i was hesitant. wasn't sure if i could EVER try again. but i'm finally ready. isn't that scary to think about? i feel like it just puts a denial on everything that has happened. it just seems to easy.

well that isn't true. the whole process was ANYTHING but easy. but it's weird that i've forgotten about things. today i went to polliwog park which is what reminded me about everything. usually every time i drove by it i would catch my breath but this time i was actually IN it and i wasn't sad. at all. i was grateful that everything had happened. happy we had that experience together.

but even now as i write this and admittedly "facebook stalk" you something still triggers in my stomach. it's faint and it could pass as nothing if it was anyone but me but since it IS me and I over analyze everything it just shows that it hasn't completely disappeared yet. don't worry. you were to special for it to just suddenly disappear. but also don't worry because it really isn't nothing. i promise you. i think it's now just a reminder.

it's not something i should forget.

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